Have you ever found yourself to be a people pleaser at one point or more in time, or perhaps you said yes to what you wished you said NO to? I admit I am totally guilty of this.
Although a finalized list of ‘why’ for either of the above options will look differently for each of us, there are certainly times where we often place the interests, wants, or needs of others above our own.
I’m not saying you should stop giving your time or helping out when there is a need, but it is okay to take a moment and make sure you are in a position to say yes.
Have you taken a moment to speak with God, check your finances, check your schedule, or more? Have you taken some time to explore how this new commitment will take time away from your family or your current commitments? Have you taken the time to evaluate the benefits for all involved if you were to say no?
You’re probably wondering if it is normal and okay to say no. If you replied to any of the above questions at the beginning of this post in the affirmative, you need to adjust your mindset as it would benefit you better to know how and when to say NO.
Analyzing and saying no:
· It Means You Value Your Time:
Remind yourself how important your time is. You can’t be in multiple places at one time, so how will family, personal time, or other commitments suffer if you add an additional task to the agenda?
Your voice is one of the strongest tools you have to isolate yourself from overscheduling. If you feel it is needed or desired, use your voice to just say no.
When it comes to saying no to anything you just do not want to do, you are less likely to hesitate. Saying no takes a strong sense of self, but it will improve your emotional well-being in the end.
· It Can Be A Brave Act:
Without hedging or including an answer, it can be difficult to say no. You may say, "I'm going to have to think about it, or "I'm not sure, maybe..." Not only can these phrases confuse others (is that a yes or a no?), but they often dilute your own assurance about what you want.
Consider being a courageous act of self-respect any time you say no, without a hedge or explanation. God’s voice and your intuition are two of the greatest radar systems you have. Long before you can consciously say it, your gut instincts can help you find out what you want. You can confidently explain why you want to say no to yourself and the other person by tapping into your intuition.
Know that certain circumstances are simply not meant to be. When asked to make a decision, ask yourself the following question: What is the best decision I can make right now? Instead of a response, your head is trying to drive, listen for the intuitive answer.
· You Will Never Please Everyone:
If there are individuals who are going to break ties with you when you have to say no to something, let them go. Your true friends, family, and valued colleagues will understand. You are not responsible for the happiness of others. It is a reality that you will never satisfy everyone. Pray daily that God will fill your journey with bright, supportive souls who understand the value and importance of knowing when it is best to say yes.
Lastly, this also comes with huge benefits, including:
· Authenticity - Being truthful about what you want to do will encourage you to be true to yourself and you will be seen as sincere and honest by others.
· Productiveness - Making choices based on what is important to you will encourage you to work rather than someone else's, within your interests. For your own time, you are liable!
· Established Boundaries - Being self-disciplined in saying no takes away the tension you will later regret taking on something. By declining to take on too much, you can stop feeling exhausted and burned out. This also refers to learning to say no to social media, email and distractions.
· Increased Confidence - You will build confidence by letting go of the need to please. Many people consider confidence to be genuine and won't see that as a negative thing.
· Your Best Yes - Being in charge of your own time frees you to do the right things and make decisions based on your interests with confidence. This is inspiring and will encourage you to say yes to new, appropriate opportunities.
· More Time - It would be easier for you to maintain your busy schedule and even set aside a little time for YOU if you reduce your ‘yes’s’ and embrace tasks you are sure you can handle!
Saying NO is an opportunity to think about transparency and how dissatisfaction can be handled. It will free up some time for the things you are called to do or really want to do which can alleviate a great deal of stress and regrets.
Take a moment and analyze your current obligations and tasks. Which of these are taking away from the opportunities or purpose driven tasks that should receive a fearless and confident response of yes?